"Sometimes, I think we, humans, made up God, as someone to blame our problems on."
I guess we like knowing where we stand in the world. But at the same time, where we stand is always an opinion. You can think you're well-grounded, but a friend could think you're the most selfish and inconciterate person they've met. You can be a super model, or Miss America, and half the world can think you're the ugliest person they've ever seen. That's why the world is the way it is. I've yet to decide whether it's a good thing or bad thing. But since it's only my opinion... there's not much I can say about it, though.
I compiled a list of boys who have fucked me over since seventh grade, hah. And the ones that fucked me over the most, were the ones I gave the most to. They were the ones I trusted and fell the hardest for. But, I guess it gets you nowhere to trust. I don't even trust my best friends anymore. Except for Hayden. Because he's the only shoulder I'll ever be able to cry on, and the only person I know will never judge me. He knows I'll be there for him no matter what, too. Anyways, I realized I need to stop settling for less than I deserve, and selling myself way too short. I end up giving my all to people who I barely know anything about, and when I find out, it's too late. They've probably already used me and left me. That's gonna stop.
I've realized, I'm probably leading the life of a future addict, at fourteen. I don't know when my court date is, but I know I need to stop smoking. I know I need to stop drinking, too, but at the same time, it's like, 'it's out of my system in 24 hours, I'm good for the test, whenever it is.' That seems to be all that matters to me, the test. And then the test is over, it's bottoms up again for me. And with the smoking... again, I don't even know when the test is, but I know I'm better safe then sorry. What if I get randomly tested next week? I smoked Thursday with Bear and Carlos and Greg. I know I should just try being clean so I'm guaranteed safe. But everytime I'm given the option of doing it, I take it. I wonder what it truly must take someone who knows they're fucking up their life. Someone who lost their virginity to a fucking pig she'd been dating for only 3 months at age 13, then going to parties and having sex with two boys in one night completely sober, while I left my best friend upstairs hanging out with a bunch of people she didn't even know. Smoking pot before she was 14 and a half and stealing her moms vodka and brothers shot glasses a few months later. It's not an addiction. I can stop whenever I want to, right?
I guess we like knowing where we stand in the world. But at the same time, where we stand is always an opinion. You can think you're well-grounded, but a friend could think you're the most selfish and inconciterate person they've met. You can be a super model, or Miss America, and half the world can think you're the ugliest person they've ever seen. That's why the world is the way it is. I've yet to decide whether it's a good thing or bad thing. But since it's only my opinion... there's not much I can say about it, though.
I compiled a list of boys who have fucked me over since seventh grade, hah. And the ones that fucked me over the most, were the ones I gave the most to. They were the ones I trusted and fell the hardest for. But, I guess it gets you nowhere to trust. I don't even trust my best friends anymore. Except for Hayden. Because he's the only shoulder I'll ever be able to cry on, and the only person I know will never judge me. He knows I'll be there for him no matter what, too. Anyways, I realized I need to stop settling for less than I deserve, and selling myself way too short. I end up giving my all to people who I barely know anything about, and when I find out, it's too late. They've probably already used me and left me. That's gonna stop.
I've realized, I'm probably leading the life of a future addict, at fourteen. I don't know when my court date is, but I know I need to stop smoking. I know I need to stop drinking, too, but at the same time, it's like, 'it's out of my system in 24 hours, I'm good for the test, whenever it is.' That seems to be all that matters to me, the test. And then the test is over, it's bottoms up again for me. And with the smoking... again, I don't even know when the test is, but I know I'm better safe then sorry. What if I get randomly tested next week? I smoked Thursday with Bear and Carlos and Greg. I know I should just try being clean so I'm guaranteed safe. But everytime I'm given the option of doing it, I take it. I wonder what it truly must take someone who knows they're fucking up their life. Someone who lost their virginity to a fucking pig she'd been dating for only 3 months at age 13, then going to parties and having sex with two boys in one night completely sober, while I left my best friend upstairs hanging out with a bunch of people she didn't even know. Smoking pot before she was 14 and a half and stealing her moms vodka and brothers shot glasses a few months later. It's not an addiction. I can stop whenever I want to, right?
Then why can't I stop now? 8:33pm. It's not on my mind. I'm not thinking about using. I'm not craving an escape or just a hit for the hell of it. Why can't I stop?
Oh, but it's been said, when I am dead, I'll be alone.
But I don't mind if I'm in Texas.
Oh, but it's been said, when I am dead, I'll be alone.
But I don't mind if I'm in Texas.
i love you, baby.
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