Peer pressure is my closest friend and it knows me by name. I like how I see it in the front of my mind and corner of my eye, but in the back of my mind, something says you know you want this.
Sobriety.
Today was a fairly decent day. I feel lame because I already blogged today, but it was way earlier in the morning. So far, I have completed zero of the tasks I wanted to complete today. Which is why I stole two 200 mg tablets of caffine and I'm planning on popping one of them soon, because my eyes are about to shut for the rest of the night. When I do go to sleep, I need to know I'll have pleasant dreams. For the first time in a really long time. If I can't truly be happy in real life, why can't I just dream? It's supposed to work like that. I don't know what else to try. I mean, they aren't nightmares. The kinds of dreams that I wake up screaming about. But, the kind I wake up crying about. The kind that I wish would stop haunting me from months ago. Someone's taken my place, and since I can't do anything about it, why can't I just stop thinking about it? Fuck my subconscious mind. Shit's always out to get me.
Earlier, I went to Home Depot and Staples with my mom. We actually ended up getting a computer mat for Annie... pretty exciting. Hopefully it works, since it almost cost 70 dollars. I also got a new stress reducer. It's one of those black felt drawing things, were it's like, white paper surrounded by black velvety shit that's supposed to keep you from messing up? Hopefully it'll work. I've gotten two colors down so far. I'm planning on making them, like, psychedellic. 'Cause I'm fucking epic like that. After that, we picked up Lauren because she was about to drive herself off the edge and a bunch of people were worried about her. Then we got food. THEN, we drank. And drank some more. And went to Giant to meet up with Hayden, steal some tests and shit, buy an extra large pizza (when we were gonna use the money for weed), met up with Christian, ate the whole entire pizza (between the three of us... Christian only ate the last piece), went to Huntsman lake and drank some more. We all saw Eddie, which was pretty cool, and Christian, Lauren and I chilled at my house some more. I guess you could sayy... I had a good day? Yes, I believe so. It was decent. Except, of course, Alex didn't pick up his phone. And I just realized earlier today, his girlfriend keeps rejecting my friend requests. It's not the pot fucking with my head, it's really happening. She must know about me. Maybe that means I've done something right.
I just realized that, four out of the eight lightbulbs above me are out. I feel like it's about time we replace them, rather than wait for the other four to die before we do something about it.
Yeah, he's a looker, but I really think it's guts that matter most,
I displayed them for you, strung out about from coast to coast.
I am easily make believe, just dress me up in what you want me to be.
I'll take back what I've been saying for quite some time now.
I gotta feel you in my bones again, I'm all over you, I'm not over you.
I gotta taste you one more time again, I'm all over you, I'm not over you.
In my day dreams, in my sleep, infatuation turning into disease
You could cure me, see all you have to do now is please, try
Give it your best shot and try, all I'm asking for is love
But you never seem to have enough.
I gotta feel you in my bones again, I'm all over you, I'm not over you.
I gotta taste you one more time again, I'm all over you, I'm not over you.
This life is way too short to get caught up and all mixed up and I
Just want you to love me back, why can't you just love me back?
Sobriety.
Today was a fairly decent day. I feel lame because I already blogged today, but it was way earlier in the morning. So far, I have completed zero of the tasks I wanted to complete today. Which is why I stole two 200 mg tablets of caffine and I'm planning on popping one of them soon, because my eyes are about to shut for the rest of the night. When I do go to sleep, I need to know I'll have pleasant dreams. For the first time in a really long time. If I can't truly be happy in real life, why can't I just dream? It's supposed to work like that. I don't know what else to try. I mean, they aren't nightmares. The kinds of dreams that I wake up screaming about. But, the kind I wake up crying about. The kind that I wish would stop haunting me from months ago. Someone's taken my place, and since I can't do anything about it, why can't I just stop thinking about it? Fuck my subconscious mind. Shit's always out to get me.
Earlier, I went to Home Depot and Staples with my mom. We actually ended up getting a computer mat for Annie... pretty exciting. Hopefully it works, since it almost cost 70 dollars. I also got a new stress reducer. It's one of those black felt drawing things, were it's like, white paper surrounded by black velvety shit that's supposed to keep you from messing up? Hopefully it'll work. I've gotten two colors down so far. I'm planning on making them, like, psychedellic. 'Cause I'm fucking epic like that. After that, we picked up Lauren because she was about to drive herself off the edge and a bunch of people were worried about her. Then we got food. THEN, we drank. And drank some more. And went to Giant to meet up with Hayden, steal some tests and shit, buy an extra large pizza (when we were gonna use the money for weed), met up with Christian, ate the whole entire pizza (between the three of us... Christian only ate the last piece), went to Huntsman lake and drank some more. We all saw Eddie, which was pretty cool, and Christian, Lauren and I chilled at my house some more. I guess you could sayy... I had a good day? Yes, I believe so. It was decent. Except, of course, Alex didn't pick up his phone. And I just realized earlier today, his girlfriend keeps rejecting my friend requests. It's not the pot fucking with my head, it's really happening. She must know about me. Maybe that means I've done something right.
I just realized that, four out of the eight lightbulbs above me are out. I feel like it's about time we replace them, rather than wait for the other four to die before we do something about it.
Yeah, he's a looker, but I really think it's guts that matter most,
I displayed them for you, strung out about from coast to coast.
I am easily make believe, just dress me up in what you want me to be.
I'll take back what I've been saying for quite some time now.
I gotta feel you in my bones again, I'm all over you, I'm not over you.
I gotta taste you one more time again, I'm all over you, I'm not over you.
In my day dreams, in my sleep, infatuation turning into disease
You could cure me, see all you have to do now is please, try
Give it your best shot and try, all I'm asking for is love
But you never seem to have enough.
I gotta feel you in my bones again, I'm all over you, I'm not over you.
I gotta taste you one more time again, I'm all over you, I'm not over you.
This life is way too short to get caught up and all mixed up and I
Just want you to love me back, why can't you just love me back?
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