2010 may certainly be starting off on a horrible note.
I'm about to get my first period of the new year, and as optomistic as I'm trying to be, I need to vent. I'm angry. you know what that means? it means pimples, cramps, mood swings, break ups, hookups, jealousy, hatred, resentment, and the fact that I will never be good enough to fit in my own skin.
there are so many things I'm too scared to even put into writing, for the fear of someone seeing it, even when I'm dead. but I can't keep it in my head, or my heart. or my room. not a journal, not a blog. facebook can't know. some random girl I feel like talking to in gym can't know. my best friend can't know because she has different best friend. why am I just left behind? really? I feel like this year might just be payback for all the things I fucked up last year. my relationships, my lack there of. my selfishness. the weather. the cold and the dull has totally taken its toll on me, and it won't go away anytime soon.
the fantastic four is being ripped apart.
Emilie is being ripped apart.
I want to DIE. I really don't even want anyone to read this, but, this is where I keep my thoughts online and these are my thoughts, so, if you are reading it, I hope you fucking judge me. I hope with everything that I am that you think 'wow, what a fucking loser. she's just complaining.' I want to kill everyone. I want to take a hammer to nicks head. to courtneys head?! fucking, wow. the fact that she's just like me. the fact that she's gonna get fucked and fucked over like I did. the fact that I'm losing respect for her, not because of the boy, because of her being stupid. she's stupid stupid stupid.
I hate everything. like, extremely bad. I feel like I'm going to puke. I want to starve myself. I want weed. why don't I have weed? it's angering me. why don't I have my tequila? I need a fucking handle. before this weekend. bad. just like back in the day, right before my birthday. fourteen. what a horrible fourteen year old. what a horrible thirteen year old.. giving it up to a blond pig with a sweet mouth and a really tight grip on my self respect. what a horrible fifteen year old. what a horrible person.
I'm about to get my first period of the new year, and as optomistic as I'm trying to be, I need to vent. I'm angry. you know what that means? it means pimples, cramps, mood swings, break ups, hookups, jealousy, hatred, resentment, and the fact that I will never be good enough to fit in my own skin.
there are so many things I'm too scared to even put into writing, for the fear of someone seeing it, even when I'm dead. but I can't keep it in my head, or my heart. or my room. not a journal, not a blog. facebook can't know. some random girl I feel like talking to in gym can't know. my best friend can't know because she has different best friend. why am I just left behind? really? I feel like this year might just be payback for all the things I fucked up last year. my relationships, my lack there of. my selfishness. the weather. the cold and the dull has totally taken its toll on me, and it won't go away anytime soon.
the fantastic four is being ripped apart.
Emilie is being ripped apart.
I want to DIE. I really don't even want anyone to read this, but, this is where I keep my thoughts online and these are my thoughts, so, if you are reading it, I hope you fucking judge me. I hope with everything that I am that you think 'wow, what a fucking loser. she's just complaining.' I want to kill everyone. I want to take a hammer to nicks head. to courtneys head?! fucking, wow. the fact that she's just like me. the fact that she's gonna get fucked and fucked over like I did. the fact that I'm losing respect for her, not because of the boy, because of her being stupid. she's stupid stupid stupid.
I hate everything. like, extremely bad. I feel like I'm going to puke. I want to starve myself. I want weed. why don't I have weed? it's angering me. why don't I have my tequila? I need a fucking handle. before this weekend. bad. just like back in the day, right before my birthday. fourteen. what a horrible fourteen year old. what a horrible thirteen year old.. giving it up to a blond pig with a sweet mouth and a really tight grip on my self respect. what a horrible fifteen year old. what a horrible person.
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