Hello, blogger. I am enjoying the relationship I share with you. I believe no one reads this. But this is better than nothing for me.
I could just write a note in WordPad or something like that, but one of my worst fears is my computer crashing for the millionth time. Websites are so much easier for me to trust when it comes to this. I can always expect my thoughts and feelings to sit on the screen in front of me on whatever computer I log onto. How amazing?
How pathetic?
So, today I had therapy. It was good. On a scale of one to ten, my previous week was an eleven. My therapist seemed amused, but he didn't understand. The first topic was how I puked on the side of 495 yesterday. He didn't comprehend how that would make my week an eleven on a scale of one to ten. Actually, he didn't comprehend how I told him eleven out of ten, in the first place. My therapist enjoys my sense of humor, however, sometimes, I think he thinks I'd be easier if it wasn't there.
Our visits must be more unique to him, now that I think about the other patients I see walking in and out.
I then told him about Green Day, and how it was basically a magical and religious experience for me. My parents didn't share my enthusiasm, but I don't think they'd be able to if they tried. My therapist appreciated it. I then shared with him the circumstance that swallowed me, Lauren, Toby, Eddie, Tyler and Kayleigh into it. Fuck that circumstance, it can rot in hell. I don't know who they think they're hurting (and I believe I stated that before), but it's not going to be me. I am better than that. I have always been and I always will be. I will not let their selfishness get in the way of my happiness. That person evolved months ago, I'm never going back.
I showed my doctor pictures that ranged from my brother playing baseball in '91, to my first sink bath, to a photo of me and Alex, just so he could kind of get an idea of what the boy looks like. I showed him a picture from Memorial day last year, so he could see what Hayden looked like. He was topless and we were all in a dogpile, but it was the best I could find on all four of my walls. I don't have any film pictures of Toby, other than the photo of us kissing. But that's pointless to bring. You can't see our faces. I think I'll bring him my digital camera next time.
--
Today, I spoke to my mom about Toby finding a place to live -- in our home. She ok'd it for the most part, but I have to talk to my dad about it. I am pumped. One more reason to get this shithole back in order. Starting with the bathroom, so its condition is no longer the most embarassing thing in the world, and there are finally two sinks open for use, a bathtub that is able to be bathed in, and a floor that isn't too terribly horid to be walking on.
Right this moment, I love my life.
I am calm.
I could just write a note in WordPad or something like that, but one of my worst fears is my computer crashing for the millionth time. Websites are so much easier for me to trust when it comes to this. I can always expect my thoughts and feelings to sit on the screen in front of me on whatever computer I log onto. How amazing?
How pathetic?
So, today I had therapy. It was good. On a scale of one to ten, my previous week was an eleven. My therapist seemed amused, but he didn't understand. The first topic was how I puked on the side of 495 yesterday. He didn't comprehend how that would make my week an eleven on a scale of one to ten. Actually, he didn't comprehend how I told him eleven out of ten, in the first place. My therapist enjoys my sense of humor, however, sometimes, I think he thinks I'd be easier if it wasn't there.
Our visits must be more unique to him, now that I think about the other patients I see walking in and out.
I then told him about Green Day, and how it was basically a magical and religious experience for me. My parents didn't share my enthusiasm, but I don't think they'd be able to if they tried. My therapist appreciated it. I then shared with him the circumstance that swallowed me, Lauren, Toby, Eddie, Tyler and Kayleigh into it. Fuck that circumstance, it can rot in hell. I don't know who they think they're hurting (and I believe I stated that before), but it's not going to be me. I am better than that. I have always been and I always will be. I will not let their selfishness get in the way of my happiness. That person evolved months ago, I'm never going back.
I showed my doctor pictures that ranged from my brother playing baseball in '91, to my first sink bath, to a photo of me and Alex, just so he could kind of get an idea of what the boy looks like. I showed him a picture from Memorial day last year, so he could see what Hayden looked like. He was topless and we were all in a dogpile, but it was the best I could find on all four of my walls. I don't have any film pictures of Toby, other than the photo of us kissing. But that's pointless to bring. You can't see our faces. I think I'll bring him my digital camera next time.
--
Today, I spoke to my mom about Toby finding a place to live -- in our home. She ok'd it for the most part, but I have to talk to my dad about it. I am pumped. One more reason to get this shithole back in order. Starting with the bathroom, so its condition is no longer the most embarassing thing in the world, and there are finally two sinks open for use, a bathtub that is able to be bathed in, and a floor that isn't too terribly horid to be walking on.
Right this moment, I love my life.
I am calm.
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