I've realized, I don't like myself. And I've realized, if I were you, I wouldn't like me either.
I'm too insecure.
I'm too unnatural.
I'm too forgiving.
I'm too shy.
I'm too codependent.
I'm too clingy.
I'm too jealous.
I'm too loud.
I'm too drugged out.
I'm too much of everything I hate.
You're everywhere, every glance over my shoulder, every leaf that hits the ground, every moment I'm without you I fall apart, like a broken piece of record, I repeat all of my plea, I'm a mess without you darling, can't you see?
Last night, I wanted to call Alex. Well I did call Alex. And he picked up, again. But the thing is, he didn't really mean to. You know? I guess it was accidental. I should know better than to stay on the phone and say '..hello?' because I should know better than to expect him to say anything. I should know better than to expect ANYONE to say anything. I found a note I wrote him and hid back when we were dating at the end of 2007. It was just like, I don't know who I'm going to think about when I can't sleep anymore after this. And I don't know who I'll call when I pass a class or an SOL or something. I don't know whose name I'll write all over everything when you don't want anything to do with me anymore, and whose anniversary I'm supposed to remember and be all excited about. I wanted to call him and tell him about how today was my last day of school and tell him about my mom's brain scan and tell him that I decided to actually stop smoking and passed my biology final exam. And that I dyed my hair back to my natural hair color; very dark brown. I wanted to tell him he'd like it. But I guess those are some things that won't matter anymore by the time he gets his head out of his ass and realizes that I won't give up on him or us as fast as he wants me to.
So, as I said before - today was my last day of school! When I was at home for those two months after being excluded from Lake Braddock, I was just like... I'm not even looking forward to summer anymore. When you're in school, you just can't wait for summer. But when you're not, summer just isn't summer. Except for the fact that everyone else is out of school with you, but it's just not fun when you're not in school and don't have anything to look forward to. Anyway, I passed my English exam with a C+. 80%, chyeah. I was hoping I got better than that, but it's okay. I passed the course with a FREAKING B. I was amazed. But I think that's my only one, unless I managed to do an AMAZING job on my biology final and have it pull me up to, like, at least a D? C? SOMETHING?
But, yeah.
I'll blog more later. I have to clean my room.
"Haha that's some nigga shit." - John Defore.
I'm too insecure.
I'm too unnatural.
I'm too forgiving.
I'm too shy.
I'm too codependent.
I'm too clingy.
I'm too jealous.
I'm too loud.
I'm too drugged out.
I'm too much of everything I hate.
You're everywhere, every glance over my shoulder, every leaf that hits the ground, every moment I'm without you I fall apart, like a broken piece of record, I repeat all of my plea, I'm a mess without you darling, can't you see?
Last night, I wanted to call Alex. Well I did call Alex. And he picked up, again. But the thing is, he didn't really mean to. You know? I guess it was accidental. I should know better than to stay on the phone and say '..hello?' because I should know better than to expect him to say anything. I should know better than to expect ANYONE to say anything. I found a note I wrote him and hid back when we were dating at the end of 2007. It was just like, I don't know who I'm going to think about when I can't sleep anymore after this. And I don't know who I'll call when I pass a class or an SOL or something. I don't know whose name I'll write all over everything when you don't want anything to do with me anymore, and whose anniversary I'm supposed to remember and be all excited about. I wanted to call him and tell him about how today was my last day of school and tell him about my mom's brain scan and tell him that I decided to actually stop smoking and passed my biology final exam. And that I dyed my hair back to my natural hair color; very dark brown. I wanted to tell him he'd like it. But I guess those are some things that won't matter anymore by the time he gets his head out of his ass and realizes that I won't give up on him or us as fast as he wants me to.
So, as I said before - today was my last day of school! When I was at home for those two months after being excluded from Lake Braddock, I was just like... I'm not even looking forward to summer anymore. When you're in school, you just can't wait for summer. But when you're not, summer just isn't summer. Except for the fact that everyone else is out of school with you, but it's just not fun when you're not in school and don't have anything to look forward to. Anyway, I passed my English exam with a C+. 80%, chyeah. I was hoping I got better than that, but it's okay. I passed the course with a FREAKING B. I was amazed. But I think that's my only one, unless I managed to do an AMAZING job on my biology final and have it pull me up to, like, at least a D? C? SOMETHING?
But, yeah.
I'll blog more later. I have to clean my room.
"Haha that's some nigga shit." - John Defore.
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