i need to hear his ringtone and actually know he purposely called me.
i need to hold his hand in the movie theater again like we're more important than the movie.
i need his body next to mine.
i need him to fall asleep in my bed leaving me with nothing to do but to try to fall asleep too..
after being awake all night waiting for six in the morning to come just to see him again.
i need him to make fun of the way i walk, and talk, and the stupid things i say.
i need him to sit in the backseat of his dads car with me again trying to sneak a kiss without him seeing.
i need to hear all the songs we used to slow dance to, and would play in the backround while we'd sit and just enjoy eachothers company and smile about them again, instead of having them make me cry.
i need to get on myspace and have five comments from him telling me he misses me.
i need to spend the last two hours of his birthday by the lake under the stars with him, talking about how we'd always be able to work out. cause it was true love. we thougt we knew.
i need him. i knew we knew.
I don't know what's going on in my head anymore. I'm tired of Toby and I making eachother feel like shit. I can't bring myself to delete Maryanne. I wish I could. Everything he says to ber and everything she says to him just makes me so upset. I don't know. I shouldn't care. But he doesn't care. I'm fucking tired of this shit. I'm tired of feeling like nothing he tells me is as honest as he says it is. But if I told him I didn't believe him, he'd go on a rampage about how I don't trust him, so he has no reason to trust me. I just can't be happy anymore.
John, I don't know about. I was supposed to spend tomorrow night doing SOMETHING with him, but I don't know if that's going to happen. I know I want it to happen. I haven't seen him in too long. But I don't want to hear the bullshit from other people about him. He's my friend, I like him, so what. He's a good guy. He knows he's a good guy. He's shy and he's a dork and he just makes me happy when I'm around him. That's all I need right now. Happiness.
I threw away what condoms I could find. Well, that's a lie.. I filled my last two (I think) up with shaving cream. One all by myself, one with Hayden and Julia. I don't need condoms anymore. I don't have anyone to have sex with so what's the point? Hayden and I were going to smoke, because we only had twenty minutes to do it before his mom came to pick him up, but we wasted our time trying to find a spot, then deciding to do it out my window, as soon as we were about to light the bowl, his mom turned the corner. Not even ironic.
I wish I could just. Go away. I just really want to walk away and get my mind off everything and lay in the middle of a field with no bugs and nice weather and I wish I could just cry. I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I just need to cry.
i need to hold his hand in the movie theater again like we're more important than the movie.
i need his body next to mine.
i need him to fall asleep in my bed leaving me with nothing to do but to try to fall asleep too..
after being awake all night waiting for six in the morning to come just to see him again.
i need him to make fun of the way i walk, and talk, and the stupid things i say.
i need him to sit in the backseat of his dads car with me again trying to sneak a kiss without him seeing.
i need to hear all the songs we used to slow dance to, and would play in the backround while we'd sit and just enjoy eachothers company and smile about them again, instead of having them make me cry.
i need to get on myspace and have five comments from him telling me he misses me.
i need to spend the last two hours of his birthday by the lake under the stars with him, talking about how we'd always be able to work out. cause it was true love. we thougt we knew.
i need him. i knew we knew.
I don't know what's going on in my head anymore. I'm tired of Toby and I making eachother feel like shit. I can't bring myself to delete Maryanne. I wish I could. Everything he says to ber and everything she says to him just makes me so upset. I don't know. I shouldn't care. But he doesn't care. I'm fucking tired of this shit. I'm tired of feeling like nothing he tells me is as honest as he says it is. But if I told him I didn't believe him, he'd go on a rampage about how I don't trust him, so he has no reason to trust me. I just can't be happy anymore.
John, I don't know about. I was supposed to spend tomorrow night doing SOMETHING with him, but I don't know if that's going to happen. I know I want it to happen. I haven't seen him in too long. But I don't want to hear the bullshit from other people about him. He's my friend, I like him, so what. He's a good guy. He knows he's a good guy. He's shy and he's a dork and he just makes me happy when I'm around him. That's all I need right now. Happiness.
I threw away what condoms I could find. Well, that's a lie.. I filled my last two (I think) up with shaving cream. One all by myself, one with Hayden and Julia. I don't need condoms anymore. I don't have anyone to have sex with so what's the point? Hayden and I were going to smoke, because we only had twenty minutes to do it before his mom came to pick him up, but we wasted our time trying to find a spot, then deciding to do it out my window, as soon as we were about to light the bowl, his mom turned the corner. Not even ironic.
I wish I could just. Go away. I just really want to walk away and get my mind off everything and lay in the middle of a field with no bugs and nice weather and I wish I could just cry. I don't want to talk to anyone right now. I just need to cry.
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