Hello from Toby's lap. :)

Today is the last day of July! Pathetic to say that I am sad to see it go. It sucked. Not going to lie to you.
...with the exception of two nights ago. TEHEHEH. Tobiah says, "Oh what?! Every day of the week I was here sucked?!" No it did not Tobiah. It's just me. :)

August, let's make it better than July. Pretty please.

Anyways, I'm blogging from my boyfriends lap simply because I have way too many thoughts and not a lot of places to express them. I type easier than I write so lemme blog. Maybe I'll copy this into notebook #2 sometime.

LET'S START WITH;
I'm a completely different person from when I was living in your shadow. You and your little circle of new friends don't understand what it's like to evolve, obviously. Yeah, I'm a cunt. Because I'm not your cunt anymore. I guess you're absolutely positively right. But as soon as you fucks decided you were too good for me, I decided I'd become too good for you. And I'm going to start to believe it's working.

Sophomore year begins September 8th; my fathers birthday. Yes, I went to Google and looked up the 2009 calendar to see which day of the month labor day fell on, so now I know. And hopefully I won't forget. I'm hoping it's so much better than freshman year. I'm hoping I stay with Toby throughout/at least for the majority of it. That alone would stop me from being the dumb whore I became in freshman year. But it's all good, I have friends. Well just kidding, I forgot I go to South County now. Shit.

...I hate those bitches.

Anyways. Toby wants to blog. So here's Toby from.. under Emilie. ;;;

TOBY'S BLOG: :O OM NOM NOM NOM

.. OK so basically hi anyone who reads this.. My name is Toby and I am currently dating the blogger who goes by the name of Emilie (: I am super happy with her. So basically this past week I've been with her at her house and been taken care of by her and her mother. I had a very good week and it was basically what I needed to get away from alot of stress at home. It was basically a vacation, even though it wasn't it felt like it. I feel very much at home here and it has adapted itself as a 2nd home. Emilie is watching over me and the random thoughts going in my head are that, 1. Wow my hair looks decent right now. 2. Emilie is soooooooooooooo pretty STOP BITING YOURT CHEEEKJGFEIKLAJFLI. 3. uhhh I should stop destroying my memory. 4. Uhhh DAMMIT emilie just reminded me that her vagina is on my leg. AWESOME. 5. ITS FUCKING AMAZING THAT TECHNOLOGY IS SOOO EPIC. If people weren't soo stupid and got off their asses and did more plugins for computers then shitttttttt, computers would be all I AM ROBOT on your asses. You guys probably don't understand what I'm talking about but the fact that this Blog AUTO FUCKING SAVES blows my god damn mind. Holy shit. 6. THIS KEYBOARD SUCKS. 7. I don't know. AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST 8. Autosaved at 4:20 PM. LOLOLOLOLOL

So yeah I'm a pretty silly person if you read all that, but thats how I like myself and that's how Emilie likes me I guess.. But I like being silly around her because it makes her smile, and that's all I want to do (:

SO YEAHHHH 5 months is coming up soon eh? Hmmm I'm probably blogging alot more than you are, I don't know IM NOT SURE. Prove me wrong but I'm having fun expressing my thoughts on keyboard RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, I could totally talk but I'm too lazy to. I'm a strangeeee kid. Holy crap I'm hungry. NOEOTOJ OSOJ

okay Toby peace.

The party... before the hangover.

Let me tell you about the most amazing night of my life.

Let's begin with Green Day and end with WAS SPECTACULAR. It was literally a dream come true to be at that concert. Billie Joe played Christie Road and Good Riddance acoustic at the end. He asked how many old school Green Day fans there were and I flipped my shit. Then the band played 2000 Light Years Away. It was amazing to know the words to that song knowing there were so many people there who were given Green Day tickets because they purchased '21st Century Breakdown' and decided they fell in love with them. But there were some real big fans there, self included. It felt so good.

The room was full of people singing with their phones out and cameras they hid in their hood trying to capture the intensity. They pulled a few people onto the stage to sing Longview and another song I don't even remember anymore, and the last actual song was Jesus of Suburbia, in which Billie Joe got a member of the crowd in the front up on stage to play the entire song. At the end, he was like, 'somebody, buy this man a beer.' It was BEAUTIFUL. To me, there is absolutely no other way to put it. There were good vibes all around. During Boulevard of Broken Dreams, he stopped singing the first verse and everyone in the room filled in for him. He said, 'Oh shit. A room full of people singing. That's what I'm fucking talking about!'

I was proud to have been there. I wish I could relive that concert over and over again. The Kaiser Cheifs opened for them, but I have to say I couldn't get that into them. Maybe it was the hype that was crawling all through my body, where I wanted to scream and sing along already! I stood up during every song and clapped and it was obvious to me and probably everyone who saw me that I was waaaay into the music. But I wouldn't want it any other way.

Staring out of my window, watch as the cars go rollin' by
All my friends are gone and I've got nothing to do.
So I sit here patiently, watching the clock tick so slowly,
gotta get away or my brains will explode.

Give me something to do to kill some time
Take me to that place where I call home
Take away the strains of being lonely
Take me to tracks at Christie Road.

See the hills from afar, standing on my beat up car
The sun went down, and the night fills sky
Now I feel like me once again, as a train comes a'rollin in
Smoke my boredom gone, slap my brains up so high.

Give me something to do to kill some time
Take me to that place where I call home
Take away the strains of being lonely
Take me to the tracks at Christie Road.

Mother stay out of my way, of that place we go
We'll always seem to find our way to Christie Road
if there's one thing that I need
that makes me feel complete
well, I go to Christie Road, it's home.
It's home.

What's good, life? You suck, basically.

Words. They do a lot. But they don't do the job. Here's the job.

July.
is a month. My favorite month. The month where everything sort of comes together, in the middle of everything. It's basically the middle of the year, the middle of summer vacation, and it feels like I'm in the middle of some sort of fucking adventure, every July since 2007. Which, I know, has only been two and a half.. but I keep counting, since I don't know how many July's I will live through. This could be my last one. Or your last one. Somewhere out there, it's someone's last day, in the last July they'd ever experience.
I treasure July. The weather is my favorite. The sunsets are my favorite. The lack of activity seems to subside in the middle of summer. Things just go into a chaotic state for a bit and that's all I need sometimes. Weather gets me down. During the winter is when things get real bad for me, and it seems like my relationship with everything in the world is all downhill. But in July, things don't really get to me as much. You can't make me too terribly unhappy. It's like when you wake up on a Saturday with no plans and just say to yourself that today is going to be a good day. You're just dangling in the middle of a really really precious sequence of time. It never ends. No matter what, you'll always expect your favorite day of the week to come around, or your favorite time of day, or your favorite month of the year. It doesn't abandon you. Unlike everything else.

Parentals.
I feel absolutely horrible for children of controlling parents. Parents who call their kids losers because they don't have a million and one friends, and send their children away for trying to have a childhood. Kids who don't experience won't learn. I fucking hate closed-minded people. Especially when they are trying to raise a child. It's their job to raise the child, not to arrange the entire process that their life relies on. Gosdfihsofdiuh. I honestly just really wish that some fucking crazy trance fell upon every single human being and all at the same time, they just realized a deeper meaning to everything, inside their head, rather than looking to a fucking person in the sky. The person in the sky isn't going to shape you into the person you'll become. The person in your head and in your heart will.

RAAAWR.

Hey, blogger. I've realized a lot recently. Actually, I'm always realizing a lot. This is a gift.

I've realized that my stretching the truth has reached an amazingly pathetic limit, almost as if it is limitless. I realize now that, sometimes, it just comes naturally. I don't even have to think about lying. It's the truth in my head. It's the way I'd like to think things were to happen. You know? I feel like that is probably the worst habit one could ever have, and the fact that I have it disgusts me so terribly bad. And the pride that I've taken in myself for actually accomplishing, just made me feel shittier when I thought about it. I'd like to not believe in pride. I'd like to not believe in anything. I'd like to stop having realizations and figuring out deeper meanings because the ability to do this is so overwhelming. I couldn't put these things into words, and if I could, I couldn't tell anyone because they would literally think I am crazy. I told my mom I was magical when I was high. I feel as though I've realized that everything is a miracle. And the only way anyone will ever truly aquire knowledge is by embracing everything as a miracle, rather than destroying it to figure out what makes it such a miracle. Anything beautiful that we have been given, or given the ability to create, shouldn't be disturbed.

Life shouldn't be disturbed.
So stop disturbing it. It's your fault. But mostly, it's my fault.

Color me stupid.

I don't need a facebook quiz to tell me how well I know my friends.

I don't need a group online of people giving me their number. My real friends have my number. If they need me, they'll call me.

I've come to realize that the tunes inside jewelry boxes are a miracle.

I've come to realize people are never who you think they are. This has deeper meaning than I ever noticed before.

I've come to realize that the people with true morals don't have to hide to keep from hurting.

I've come to realize that people who talk a lot about themselves and the people they know and refer to as their 'friends' are nothing that they lead you to believe.

I've come to realize that the people who use drugs to see deeper inside themselves, realize that it was in them all along, but are too selfish to pick apart that concept and make it into something deeper, like, you don't really need drugs to see inside yourself.

I've come to realize that when I create, my creations have a vibe. And when I get the bad vibe, the vibe that a notebook will bring back ghosts everytime I open it, it is the scariest feeling I've experienced.

It's just how intuned I am with my mind and my body at the same time. It terrifies me.
I feel like I'm a complete different type of existance that's barely even existing compared to the world around me. I think about these things and own up to them, because if I keep them inside, where the fuck are they gonna go when I'm dead?

I've come to realize that life isn't even about building or creating yourself; it's about treasuring the existance of everything around you rather than treasuring the existance that is your self.