Well, I thought that we could sit around and talk for hours, about things I couldn't say to you, and things that we could never do. And this conversation has had no face, when the words take days, you can rewrite and erase anything. But you know my heart - so tell me honestly, did you ever really want this? - Knows all these parts. And I'll gather words from all my favorite paragraphs to write a ballad while we say the things we hoped would mean the most to me. And, each line I sent, I have found in new pages of hope for the days when I feel like I've lost everything. You know my heart - so tell me honestly, did you ever really want this? - knows all these parts.
Cause my jealous heart can't take this. So I'll sing this song for every word that's come out wrong.
But I'll be okay, is that what you want me to say? It's called break-up cause it's broken.
Well try so bad to tell me how you faked that you were sorry and the lines we said never meant the words we meant. Cause it's broken. And every kiss that you could ever mean the everything that takes you back, the chocolate, rose, the kisses that like chasing through your misses.
Well I thought that we could sit around and talk for hours about things I couldn't say to you, and things that we could never do.
So I'm happy with Toby. But the thought ALWAYS enters my mind.. is it cause I'm forcing myself to be? I'm always like, look, he's perfect. I mean, he could shrink a little. Paha. But he's sweet and he's funny and he talks, you know? About real stuff. He's a nerd and I'm a narcissist. We balance eachother out. He knows everything and I know nothing. But I don't know. Everything reminds me of Alex! I love Toby, but I can't tell if I'm in love with him. Not the way I'm in love with Alex. And when I think about my future, I think of Alex. When I think about songs, I think of Alex. When it rains so hard that I can't see anything outside except grey, it's Alex. There's nothing that could ever take my feelings away from him. I may just be fourteen but, honestly? I know what this is. I wish I could tell Toby but I can't find the words. And I really DON'T want to hurt him, and end up hurting myself more than I already have/do. So I cry and think. And when I figure something out, blog, I'll let you be the first to know.
Love,
Emilie Bliss Hana Nichols
